Sticks and Stones
by Moonflames
Summary: There is only so much name calling you do in your own head, before you need to take matters into your own hands!
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer...Ruminko Takahashi owes them. I don't own, if I did I doubt writing about them would be this much fun!_

_I needed a break from re-working my angsty little story...So here you all go, a happy trip down the road of my inane sense of humor._

Sticks and stones

She hated him and _that was that_. _White,_ she scoffed, _how the hell does he get away with it?_ she thought, staring at his immaculately kept form, while fruitlessly blowing her wild bangs from her eyes with a puff of frustration. Not that they would go anywhere with the very special demon gut gel, (courtesy of Sesshoumaru) that matted her hair to her forehead.

She stood off to Inuyasha's right; Miroku, Sango, Shippo and Kirara were a few feet behind her toward the tree line and all of them seemed more concerned with catching their breath than with the arrogant lord standing before them. Her gaze took in her own appearance, torn dirty uniform, cut and bloodied mud-splattered legs, gobs and gobs of demon entrails slinking down her face.

_How did that song go again...? Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts... something something _she improvised_...and I don't have a spoon? _She ran her hands down her uniform. _Nope, no spoon here._ _Ok, it's official, someone post the bulletin, I have finally lost it. _Once again leveling a hate filled stare upon the impeccable demon lord standing a few feet in front of her, she took an ineffectual swipe at the mass of mud and goop on her face. Damn it, if she was going to go down her little rabbit hole of insanity consisting of demon guts and spoons she might as well take him with her. _It's all his fault. Prick. _

Looking around she saw all her friends in various states of exhausted filthy dishevel. _Who knew?_ she thought with a mental shrug_, that such a little demon_, _and it was so little __**really **__at least in comparison to most demons they fought, could have an endless supply of neon green guts and demon blood_. Hence how they ended up like this; muddy, slimy and downright exhausted. They had been battling that literal slime bag for _hours_. Although in their defense of course, it certainly did not help that the ground was still sopping wet from yesterday's torrential downpour.

It did not _help_ that the damned little demon had a shard or two on its person. It did not _help _that the same little demon moved at lighting speed and took quick jabs with its razor sharp claws. It _absolutely, positively_ did not _**help**_ that aforementioned meticulous specimen of jerkhood calmly strolled into their happy little battle ground _(and they were doing just fine thank you very much)_ while they were all sliding about and pivoting on the ground like a hoard of drunken mud wrestlers. Narrowing her eyes at him she thought, _knowing him, and boy do I know him, he had probably been carefully watching the entire time waiting for that **perfect** moment to just saunter on in. Louse._

And with one carefully placed acid whip and what she could have sworn was an amused or malicious, _depending entirely on your point of view and __**my**__ current view leans toward the latter,_ little twinkle in his eye, struck down the annoying demon in a single blow. Scattering an impressive amount of demon parts, demon blood and demon innards all over her little party with a negligent sniff. How he managed to avoid every drop of the green deluge she will never know.

"I had caught the stench of Naraku" he directed his speech to Inuyasha in his smooth as silk tone as if he had interrupted nothing more than an afternoon cup of tea, "But perhaps it was merely you." he continued in that ennui filled voice. "If you are done entertaining yourselves in the mud," he drawled shooting Kagome a veiled glance, "perhaps you can answer some questions". _He's enjoying himself; I can __**almos**__t see that self satisfied smug on his arrogant face. Bastard. _

Everyone but her seemed dumbfounded at the sight of him standing as if frozen in place, _like cockroaches when the lights are turned on _she shook her head at _that _unwanted image. Even poor Inuyasha seemed subdued, as he was not currently opening his mouth to hurl insults at his brother but instead opted to cast death glares at him through his muddy green hair. _Brown and green are certainly not his colors, _the inane thought popped into her head. But then he probably wouldn't want to open his mouth right now; _I certainly wouldn't if I were him_, she wondered if he too had detected the piece of demon _I think that's an intestine_ balanced precariously on the edge of his lip.

Miroku, ever the voice of calm reason spoke, "Lord Sesshoumaru," he said with all the elegance a slime covered monk could possess, "if you allow us a few moments to retrieve the shards you so graciously uncovered and perhaps", he added gesturing at himself, "allow us to clean up. We can return to camp and discuss whatever it is you require"

_Nice one Miroku, graciously_, _humph my mud covered butt, he did this on purpose I just know it! He has some questions? What a load of crap. I should write a book, Chapter one: How arrogant demon lords get their kicks. Son of a Bitch. _

Shooting Sesshoumaru another gaze full of loathing she awaited his reply. Normally she knew they would not really care how filthy they were, but she was also aware that they were all so tired and dirty, they had been fighting that nasty little slime ball demon _all day_. The last thing any of them wanted to do at this point was go head to head with the very pompous, very spotless Inu Demon. _Although I have a few choice words I would like to say to him myself __**after**__ I am clean. Ugh! _she thought wiping something she was sure was a piece of brain matter out of her eyes. Wholeheartedly she agreed with Miroku's diplomatically phrased request. Reluctantly pulling her eyes that she was currently attempting to shoot daggers at Sesshoumaru with, _which he was plainly avoiding_, she looked around at her comrades again.

Poor Sango was leaning against Kirara, apparently her slayer outfit was not a good buffer against slime _although_ the outfit at this time would probably make a good Slip and Slide. The hand that normally had such a steady grip on her weapon just kept sliding down no matter how valiantly Sango attempted to secure a firm hold, apparently should would not be able to throw it right now to save her life, _literally. _

Even little Shippo was not spared either, although he had escaped most of the green slime storm, he was liberally coated in a layer of mud and sat forlornly on Kirara's mud crusted back. _What a pathetic sight we must make_, she thought and absently noted that the mud that so splendidly adorned her person acted as a very good cohesive for the sticky goop that was now trickling down the tip of her nose. And there he stood in all his pale glory. _Scumbag_.

"Monk," he spoke in his carefully modulated voice, "_I _will not waste time", _unlike you..go ahead say it I know you want to..._Kagome spitefully completed his sentence in her head..."you will answer my questions now." His white sleeves gently fluttering in the breeze.

White, he wore white of _all_ things, he was a piece of art sculpted in the palest of colors. He was always so put together, so perfectly balanced, so beautifully constructed, it was shame _really_ that such a work of art had the emotional capacity of a snail _well maybe not always _she grudgingly recalled a time or twelve that he was not nearly so stoic. But it was too bad she was not in _any _mood to appreciate fine art.

_Especially one who did not seem to understand that it was just all kinds of wrong to wear white after Labor Day!_ she thought to herself with a wicked snicker. _Besides_, w_ho the hell wears white, carries a sword, runs around with a little demon that reminds me of a swamp toad, and a little girl who always seemed to be covered in dirt, moss and other sundries that only kids can get in to, consistently battles demons AND __**never ever**__ seems to get a bit of dirt on him? Ass. _

Returning to the almost pleasant pastime of trying to bludgeon the pompous demon with a mere look she noticed that in her mostly ineffectual attempts to wipe herself off she had accumulated a rather impressive amount of demon slime and mud in her hands. Looking at the mass of disgusting goo Kagome got an idea_, Oh yes I have an idea, an awful idea, Kagome has a wonderful awful idea._ _Great now I'm quoting Dr. Seuss just wonderful, gee thanks Sesshoumaru. Douche bag. _

Gathering a bit more of whatever it was sliding down her hair, and _she definitely did __**not **__want to know_ she took it in her hand packing it down just a bit. _Kagome Higurashi winds up for the pitch and the crowd goes wild. _Knowing the demon lord well she purposely angled her impromptu baseball of slime so that when he moved to avoid it he would end up moving into it. _Thank the gods for little brothers and their baseball practice._

The sweet sound of contact was the most beautiful music her ears had ever heard. The extremely satisfying splat echoed throughout the utter silence that had taken over the group. Almost as if in slow motion she watched as the green entrails with just a hint of mud slowly meandered their way down his meticulous silvery white hair into his glittering eyes and continued on its slimy merry way down his perfect nose. He turned his gaze to her, with an expression, _oooh this is a new one, _of pure unadulterated affront mixed in with liberal dash of repugnance. _Uh oh..._She turned and started to run as fast as she could, her maniacal laughter trailing behind, _Not so pristine now are you?_..._My love.._

_A/N...I hope you all caught the hint of a more "close" relationship between these two. I don't know if I was too subtle or not enough. Hmmm...Well back to my next chapter of Nothing at All!! Thanks for reading and reviewing:) _


	2. Chapter 2

_I could not resist adding a second chapter to this. The humor of this piece is a wonderful refuge for me. I may continue to add a chapter here or there from time to time. _

_I hope you enjoy this current installment!!_

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_Shit shit shit shit shit_..._what the __**hell**__ was I thinking_, she berated herself as her laughter came to a halt and the ramifications of her impromptu slime ball sank in, _oh yeah, that's right the pompous ass deserved it!!!_ _That's what!_ Scrambling over a tree stump that she was certain purposely tried to trip her, _Jerk probably even has stupid tree stumps on his payroll_, she was almost tempted to stop and give said offending nasty piece of wood a dirty look. Luckily the stump was spared her patented Kagome fear inducing death glare because running away from what she was sure was an infuriated _slightly slimy, (score one for Ms. Kagome Higurashi) _demon lord was currently taking up most of her time

_Shit shit shit_ the mantra repeated in her head again and again. _At least I should have planned the escape route better! Better? I should have planned an escape route period! Oww!_...she found herself smacked by the branch of an oncoming tree. _Little bunny foo foo running through the forest picking up the slime ball and throwing it at a demon's head_...she silently sang in her head _Oh Kami, I AM losing it!_ _Run faster Kagome, faster_...her lungs felt like they were breathing in fire rather than air.

_How do I get myself into these things? Oh wait that's right, it's all **his** fault. Showing up all pretty and everything. Ass. He didn't even have the common courtesy to have a leaf, a bit of lint**... a damned split end** on his damned gorgeous hair. Life just was not fair!_

Skidding down a particularly slippery slope she found herself tumbling over a rock and landing face down onto the muddied forest floor. _This is what I get for trying to mete out a little well deserved pay back._ Pushing up from her rather inelegant spill she straightened herself while running a muddy hand over her face. _Oh god that is disgusting_...she only ended up smearing more dirt, debris, mud and heaven knows what else into her face.

_No time to think about that...just run idiot_ she berated herself. She started her breathless sprint again. _Get to the well, jump in and you are home free... Ahh home! The land of showers and running water. The land of the porcelain god and the home of raspberry shower gels... _She kept running as fast as her legs and her aching lungs could go.

_If he catches me he's going to **kill **me or at least cause me some permanent damage, and I like my body parts where they are thank you very much _hazzarding a quick sweep of the forest with her eyes she continued to run _Oh boy, I have a really bad feeling that it does not matter how "close" we have been getting, no one gets away with dirtying his royal prickiness _her feet sliding on the wet ground she pushed herself to run faster _Yep he's going to kill me...Slowly I think_. Half running half tripping she skidded to a brief halt by a tree. Holding onto it for dear life she tried to get some much needed and _much appreciated_ air into her burning lungs. _Thank you dear sweet tree_ she inanely mused while gulping in as much oxygen as her little lungs could hold.

She paused a moment more while chancing a quick look around for the Inu demon lord she was quite sure was stalking her at this very moment. She shivered _now I know what those poor little deer feel like during hunting season. I promise if I get out of this_ she solemnly sworn to **any** deity that was currently listening and probably taking bets on her life expectancy _I am going to start a campaign to end all hunting...everywhere_. Figuring she got as much of a breather she was going to get she took off again sprinting through the trees.

_Oh yes...I can see the clearing up ahead. Ah the well, my beautiful salvation... come to me._

Bursting through the trees into the little clearing like a rocket she ran full tilt toward the well, hair fluttering behind her, legs pumping as hard as she could.

_Yes! Yes! Yes! I beat him..._

_Oh damn it to hell!_ She skidded to a halt. Suddenly as if appearing out of thin air Sesshoumaru stood against the well. Calmly watching her through burning amber eyes and _oh joy_ through dirty muddied greenish bangs. _Holy cow, is that dirt on the tip of his oh so perfect nose?_

"Umm, Hi Sesshoumaru. Fancy meeting you here?" she squeaked out from her suddenly closed throat. "Nice weather we are having isn't it?"

"Miko" his smooth tone sending chills down her spine in feather light wisps. He took slow measured steps to approach her. _Damn but he's beautiful_ the thought sprang unbidden to her mind. Her heart which was already beating a mile a minute started pounding so frantically that she thought for a moment it was going to burst from her chest into his hands. _Traitorous heart_. She silently chided the silly organ. _It is not as if he doesn't already hold my heart in his hands_

"Miko" he said again calling her wandering thoughts back to him. Quietly he stood before her, _like a cat plays with a mouse before he kills it. Oh he may not kill me_ she gave him an appraising glance through her lashes_ but then maybe he can, _she ventured a glance down to his Tenseiga. _He could kill me for pure entertainment purposes and then bring me back just for shits and giggles of course._ She looked into his shuttered gaze. _A drastic measure to be sure for a tiny __**tiny **__slime ball and a bit of dirt, but hell this is Sesshoumaru we are talking about. He never does anything in half measures does he? _Still catching her breath she gave a gusty sigh and pondered her options.

Towering over her and looking down his elegant nose at her heaving out of breath little body, he gave her pert nose a tap with a gentle claw and admonished, "You are such a child". Eyes widened in surprise she instinctively backed away from him. She definitely did not trust a gently scolding, mildly amused Sesshoumaru _that man has a warped and usually dangerous sense of humor_ she took another small step back _Ok, I need to get home before this demon acts on whatever that gleam in his eyes means_...deciding that stealthy was not in her nature she took a more direct route concluding that a dead all for nothing run to the well was her best bet. Pivoting on her heel she took a step...

Suddenly she felt his hands latch on to her body, quickly albeit gingerly he had picked her up by the waist keeping her filth adorned body a fair distance from his person and brought her to eye level. "Not so fast little Miko" he said with burning eyes and smoky voice. _Oh damn am I in trouble in oh so many ways_ as she felt her heart speed up and her limbs turn to mush. She was either going to die of fear or die from the incredible feeling of heat that came from his strong hands. _I am not going to wait to see what that look in his eyes means...oh hell no...because whatever it means cannot possibly be good for my sanity. _

So she did what would any child worth their merit would do when faced with inevitiable consequences...She threw herself forward, wrapped her arms and legs around him and wiggled with all her might. Startled by her brazen actions Sesshoumaru dropped the squirming bundle. Kagome fell to her rear with a loud, painful thump. She started to shoot the nastiest look she possessed at the beautiful demon standing before her but the sight that met her eyes immediately gave a quick death to her glare. At first she had attempted to hold back the laugh behind her hand, then she tried to tightly clamp her lips closed, finally the need to breathe and the sheer hilarity of the scene proved to be too much for her meager self control. She burst into laughter with hearty gales of mirth and tears streaming from her eyes. _Serves you right mister!!! _

Turning away from her jubilant hilarity and turning his back, Sesshoumaru looked down on himself and his now completely mud, demon gut, rotting leaf adorned front ala Kagome. He gave an uncharacteristic sigh of resignation, threw a look over his shoulder that promised severe retribution and he muttered, "You truly are such a child".

Kagome could not stop the scream of hilarity that overtook her as she stared at his back. Her shoulders convulsing and her breath coming out in sobs of laughter she decided whatever retribution she would suffer for this one would be worth _**any**_ price. Because resting in dark relief to his normally immaculate white form were two perfect muddied handprints on his absolutely perfect demon butt. _Wow, I wonder what surprised him more, the slime ball or the fact that I copped a feel?_ Body shaking as another wave of laughter rolled through her she thought _New uniform: $100, new shoes $60, shampoo and conditioner $20, a dirty discomfitted Sesshoumaru with MY handprints on his ass...PRICELESS..._


	3. Chapter 3

_Sticks and Stones_

_Dedication: Tally this one is for you!! _

_Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, that honor belongs solely to Rumiko Takahashi...but I do so love to borrow them from time to time_

_A/N: Short chapter I know, but delving into Sesshoumaru's thoughts and trying to find the humor in them is not nearly as simple as I thought it would be. I do hope that this story continues to amuse you all as it has now become a most welcome refuge for me and my own particular brand of humor. And I so wanted to get one more chapter out before the end of the year!_

**I wish you all the healthiest and happiest of new year's!!! I hope to see you all next year! **

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He _could not_ cut her down with his sword no matter what his current inclination... that would be _rude. _

_Although _he concluded with an evil gleam in his eye _it was certainly ill mannered to be laughing like a fool. In fact _he thought with some heat, _striking her down could __**only**__ be viewed as justice_. Certainly no one would fault him for removing this one slightly insane, completely aggravating, utterly uncivilized little Miko.

_She was a blight on the existence of all demons everywhere, _he thought to himself._ How she managed to stay alive so long was merely a testament to her incredible luck and annoying bravado. _Still he refused to stoop down to her level. And considering how she currently smelled with the coating of mud and demon innards he was not quite certain he wanted to be anywhere nearer to her than he was.

His elegant nostrils flared; _although I cannot be certain that the smell is wafting from __**her **_he forced his gaze down to his own once pristine attire. He was currently liberally covered in the same plethora of matter that she was. He closed his eyes for a moment and used every ounce of his exalted self-control to remain calm. Opening his eyes he focused on her, the damned Miko remained on the ground overcome by her fit of hilarity.

He was almost _almost _afraid, _not that this Sesshoumaru has ever feared anything or any puny undiciplined Miko,_ of the exact cause of this second burst of unrestrained gaiety. Preventing a sigh from escaping, he knew that no matter the cause of her current laughter he was absolutely certain that whatever it was did not bode well for him.

He flexed is claws, _was there a demon out there that would not welcome the death of this infuriating Miko?_ Momentarily distracting himself from his human tormentor, he created a mental picture of thousands of demons applauding his murder of said Miko. Continuing with his satisfying mental picture, he imagined the thunderous sound of applause of demons from every walk of life. Certainly the applause would sufficently drown out her screams as he killed her.

The shrill shriek of her laughter broke through his pleasant meandering thoughts. Closing his eyes briefly he thought again, _No I want to hear her scream, any sound she made had to be preferable to the maddening grate of her incessant laughter_.

_Will she ever cease that laughing?_

Swallowing with difficulty a long-suffering sigh, _now the Miko has me sighing? This is not to be tolerated. _He clicked his claws together.

Despite his current bloodthirsty thoughts he knew that killing her was not a reasonable solution, _satisfying perhaps_, but not the most strategic move he could make. But perhaps he could pleasantly indulge himself in some maiming.

He approached her slowly with a hunter's gait. Certainly disfigurement would be in order for her actions. It was undoubtedly no less than what she deserved_. A little light maiming would do nicely before lunch. _

Thinking back on the incidents that lead him to this current situation he tried to pinpoint exactly where he had gone wrong. He had handled it rather well at first, although he was still not certain what disconcerted him more, the mere fact that she had the unmitigated _gall_ to throw something at him, or the fact that she actually landed her impromptu projectile on his person.

But once she dirtied his pristine self with her childish act and then sprinted away with only her laughter trailing behind her, he had decided to give chase. At first he merely toyed with her, following her slow run with ease, taking a small amount of satisfaction in the fear she was radiating from her body. He inspired fear, _which was always a good thing_.

Patiently he had waited for the perfect moment. Watching her from a distance he had seen her body imperceptively relax when she caught sight of her beloved well. It was then that he decided to confront her. Instead of shredding her with his claws which was the just punishment she deserved for her brazen actions he merely informed her _quite civilly_ of what he thought of her behavior.

He _had_ handled it rather well. _Damn it_

How could he possibly be to blame that this frustrating human was taking much to many liberties with his person? _I should have known better_. Allowing a certain closeness between them to take root had only opened the doorway to _this_...narrowing his eyes he focused on the Miko sitting in an undignified heap on the ground overcome with gales of hilarity. Tears of laughter left clean wet streaks down her filthy visage.

_Removing her tongue would not bode well for future demon/Miko relations would it?_ _Ahh, but what could it hurt __**really**_ Then suddenly the thought of her body pressed against his and her arms and legs wrapped around him flashed like fire across his mind..._and her hands..._remembering with sudden clarity where her hands had traveled he quickly stopped this particular train of thought.

_Perhaps cutting out her tongue would not be so beneficial after all. _Stubbornly refusing to examine his reasoning for his change of mind he instead opted to glare her out of her current humor.

What exactly to do with the dirty laughing heap at his feet was his current predicament. So many of his options were currently not accessible, no matter how dearly he would enjoy exacting his particular retribution..._ How again have I come to this?_

With narrowed eyes he watched her trying to control her laughter, her arms around her waist holding her sides as she shook her head helplessly. He turned his back to her while he attempted to control his increasing temper. He thought maybe if he ignored her she would take a moment to control her laughter and behave as a somewhat sentient being.

He was doomed for disappointment.

To his utmost disgust, she just starting laughing harder. Normally he prided himself on being an inordinately patient demon, at least he was _before he met __**her**_. He took a moment to gather his thoughts around him, but the laughter ringing in his ears was starting to grate on every last ounce of self-control he had left.

_This is beyond maddening; this is_...he hit upon the current emotion swirling in his head, _**insulting**_

With a sudden movement borne of frustration he spun around and approached her with lightening speed. Picking up her unresisting still laughing body in his arms he was determined to cure her once and for all of this unwarranted merriment at the expense of his person.

With the wiggling burden in his arms he walked with slow purposeful steps toward the murky lake he had detected on the way to the well.

Slowly reality must have sunk into the little Miko because she abruptly stopped laughing. _Good_ he thought, _now she is starting to be afraid_. _It was about time._

"Sesshoumaru" she said with a certain amount of hesitation in her voice looking up at him with an apprehensive gaze.

Coming to the edge of the lake he gave the small human one last long deadly glare. Abruptly he lifted her violently squirming body over his head allowing the Miko a moment to contemplate her peril.

"Please Sesshoumaru," she wailed trying frantically to remove extricate herself from his firm grasp. _Finally she remembers with whom she is dealing with. _"WAIT!" she shouted desperately, "Sesshoumaru, I CAN'T..."! Ignoring her piteous cry he threw his human missile hard toward the waiting water.

He was basking in his split second of triumphant satisfaction when suddenly the shrill sound of her voice permeated his smug contentment. "...Swim!!!!" The ending of her scream came out as a gurgle as the water rushed in over her head.

He watched as her small body sank deeper into the water like a stone. _Damn_ he thought in frustration as he stood near the edge of the small lake.

Briefly he contemplated letting her drown. _I could always revive her with my Tenseiga._ Since no one was around to hear him he allowed long- suffering sigh to escape his lips.

Thinking in careful contemplation he mused _It would be an utter waste of Tenseiga's abilties to revive the_ _silly twit._

_Damn_, he thought again blowing a resigned breath between his teeth and with a small shake of his silky head he jumped into the water to save the pathetic little Miko.

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**A/N:** THANK YOU ALL so much for your reviews! They make me happier than I can tell you! I am so damned glad that you are finding this story amusing if I can make you laugh at least once from this than well, wow, that is such a compliment. Thanks again! You all rock!

Stay tuned for the next chapter I hope you continue to read this and most importantly I hope you continue to enjoy it! Thanks again. :)

Oh damn, I forgot to mention, thanks DumDeeDum for pointing it out to me...lol...but I do know that she can swim, lol...but HE doesn't. She is so sneaky isn't she?


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: Miss Takahashi owes these wonderful characters, I just borrow them for my own amusement :)_

_Dedication: Tallymark...who gets my humor like no other XD_

_He threw me in the water! That pompous over bearing, plushie toy reject tossed me in the water...! _She almost started to laugh but caught herself in time before she swallowed a mouth full of stagnant lake water. _He did not kill me...Wow does this mean there is some hope for him yet? _

_Now all he has to do is jump in after me and my work here is complete. _

Somewhere in the back of her head was a concern about the state of her mental health, but she brushed that aside. There were more important things to contemplate like, _what the __**hell **__was taking him so long? _Kagome fumed while trying to hold her breath just a few seconds longer. _I mean really...is it THAT difficult of a decision? It's quite simple Sesshoumaru: do I save the Miko's life or let her drown because I happen to have some deep rooted mental phobia regarding dirt on my person. UGH...he is such a BRAT!! _

Struggling to ignore her body's natural reaction to swim up for some desperately needed air, she tried to remain as limp as possible as her body sank to the bottom of the lake. _Any day now your most royal icicle! You know, a girl could drown waiting for you. _

Lifting her head up she tried to peer through the murky water surrounding her. _He's not coming in after me, is he? _Not seeing him, her heart gave a little lurch. _What a way to hold a grudge! The bastard better have had plans to at least revive me with his stupidly pretty sword! _Finally out of air and with a mental sigh of resignation she began to swim in smooth practiced strokes up toward the surface of the lake when she spotted his gleaming white form cutting through the water like a torpedo. At first her heart gave a little trill of joy knowing that he was not going to let her die. And then cold reality bitch slapped her across her head.

_Oh damn, I am sooo busted. _He sped toward her like a bullet. Approaching her with inhuman speed she took careful note of the look on his face. Even through the murky depths of the water she recognized the look on his face that promised severe retribution.

_Damn, damn, damn..._using her arms and legs she propelled her body as fast as she could to reach the surface, and hopefully escape the promise that loomed in his glowing eyes. _Oh boy, this is going to get from bad to holy-shit-what-have-I-done-now worse!! _With burning lungs and aching arms she narrowly escaped his extended clawed hands and broke the surface of the water with a gasp. Taking in great gulps of air and silently thanking Mother Nature for her bountiful gifts of oxygen she debated how the hell she was going to extricate herself from this mess.

_Just get out to the damn water you idiot_ she mentally berated herself, _he may not have let you drown but after this newest brainstorm of yours he may just drown you himself. _

Striking out in quick strokes she tried to make it to the shore expecting at any moment for him to come speeding after her. _Ok how is this a healthy relationship again? Are you supposed to fear for life and still be wildly attracted to someone? I wonder if back at home they have a DLA group or something...demon lovers anonymous. I may need to start one. Hi..My name is Kagome Higurashi and not only am I the president of the DLA but I am also a member...here a few quick rules when attempting to become involved with a demon #1 try not excessively piss off the object of your affections. #2 laughing your head off at said object after throwing a slime ball at his head is not really a good thing...Why? See rule #1. _

She really needed to stop her inane musings and keep focused on the matter at hand. _Ok first get out of the damn water_, briefly she recalled the movie Jaws and shivered. _Remove your sorry butt from the water as fast as possible_ she thought as the theme music of Jaws played over and over in her mind, _then run like the wind to avoid encountering a soggy, severely pissed off, and very wet demon lord. And hightail your dumb ass back to your friends._ _Ah my friends, maybe I don't need always need their protection from demons, but from my own stupid actions? Hell yes! _

Focusing on the safe haven of the solid ground and her group of friends she hurried her movements, with her last ounce of speed she rushed forward with rapid strokes. Finally her feet touched the soft spongy bottom of the lake and sprinting out of the lake she chanced a look back at the water. _Where is he? _She had half expected a clawed hand to have grabbed her ankles and pull her to the bottom of lake but it never happened.

Standing firmly on the ground and about two feet away from the water's edge she turned around and peered into the water. _Where the hell did he go? _Her eyes tried to peer through the depths of the water but she saw no sign of him. "Sesshoumaru" she called out tentatively. There was no response.

"Sesshoumaru" she called out again taking a few steps closer to the lake. _Oh man, where is he...what if something happened to him? _"Sesshoumaru!" she yelled walking even closer to the edge of the lake. _This is not funny. Oh Kami...what happened if he drowned or something. _She gasped in horror _Maybe I killed Sesshoumaru? _

Stepping into the water and ignoring the cold slimy feel of the mud getting into her shoes, she called his name as loud as she could, "Sesshoumaru!!".

She felt rather then heard his presence behind her. Her shoulders slumped in relief and then she heard his voice, "Yes Miko" and with a firm shove he pushed her hard into the shallow slime infested water she was standing in.

Falling face first into the thoroughly disgusting liquid she landed hard taking in a mouthful of moldy tasting lake water.

"Ugh..." she said as she stood up sputtering and coughing, "That was NOT funny!"

Turning around to give him a lethal glare her voice was caught in her throat. _No there is nothing funny about __**this**_because standing no more than two feet before her Sesshoumaru stood in all his wet glory. _The jerk does not even have the decency to look like the drowned mutt he is. _The sight that met her eyes was nothing short of sinful. The clothing under his shoulder armor was plastered to his body lovingly clinging to lean form. His hair was sleek and wet curving to the sharp bones of his checks. The eyes glittered fiercely through his sopping wet bangs made him look more feline than dog. _No one had the right to look that good...__**ever**_

His voice broke through her stunned admiration, "And claiming you could not swim _was_ amusing?"

Finding her voice she retorted, "As funny as you throwing me in the water".

"Miko you lied" he accused in a silky smooth voice.

"Well, ummm not exactly..." she stammered _why oh why don't I ever think before I do things_, " I fibbed"

"You fibbed," he repeated raising a questioning brow

"Well yeah, a fib is not _really_ a lie. It's kinda something that is not true but not something you plan to keep hidden from the person"

"Therefore a fib is another word for a lie?"

"No, no..." she shook her wet head in aggravation, "it's not a lie. I mean _of course_ you would find out that I _could_ swim; I just wasn't going to tell you right away. So when I said that I can't swim it was just not true at that _one_ moment" her words began to trip on themselves in her rush to get them out "I knew you would find out sooner or later. So you see it's not really a _lie_" she finished her dizzying completely convoluted explanation with a satisfied huff and a proud smile.

"A fib is an untruth and an untruth is a lie" Sesshoumaru countered with logic and inched his way closer to the flustered priestess.

"No, no...ummm" she couldn't think when he was standing this close and the heat pouring off his body was making her lose her mind. _Lose my mind? It's not lost, I know exactly where it is, I left it at home, and I must have grabbed my backpack instead of my brain. Of course in my defense I had to leave it behind the moment I stepped out of that damned well the first time. _

He edged fractionally nearer to her and looked at her expectantly _damn where was I? _

"No I did not exactly lie, besides you are the one who threw me in the lake in the first place, so really it's all _your_ fault" she pointed out trying her damnedest to make him shoulder the blame.

"Therefore you conclude that it is this Sesshoumaru's fault that you are a liar?"

"No" she began to panic.

"No I am not culpable for this situation or no, you are not a liar? " his words may have questioned but his eyes were calculating.

"Well ummm yes I did not tell the truth" he was so near she had to tip her head back to look at him.

"So your answer is yes you are a liar"

"No...UGH!! Stop! You are confusing me. And must you stand so close?" came her petulant, flustered response, " I can't think straight."

His eyebrow rose into his hairline.

_Did I just say that out loud? Oh no! Kill me now...please... Dumb dumb dumb. Inside voice Kagome, inside voice stays inside. Oh kami, where's a hole in the ground when I need one? _

"_Am_ I standing too close Miko?" he questioned and took a fraction of a step closer and his eyes glinted with what she could swear was amusement.

"Yes. No...No!..You really..." pink blossomed on her checks all the way to her hairline and her voice trailed off as she watched him lower his head to hers. _What was I going to say?...umm..Damn him! No one has a right to look that beautiful and that...careful what you wish for, you wanted him mussed up a bit, and now he's in front of you wet, hair plastered to his face and so damned appealing I think I may be starting to drool...It's just not fair!_

He was making her crazed she just needed to get far, far away from him. She had no clue what to do with the Sesshoumaru in front of her that was not currently looking at her with murderous intent for once. No the look in his eyes was hot and intense and smattered with a touch of amusement and for some reason that gaze was much more deadly to her than his rage. She closed her eyes to block him out and tried to get control of the conversation again.

_Ok think wet dog, wet soggy dog. _Opening her eyes she looked at him again..._no damn that's not working. _

"Miko"he said in the sultriest voice she ever heard in her life and she felt surrounded by his heat, his scent...him.

_This is a definite invasion of my personal space. But I really could care less? Oh yes, invade my space...oh invade away oh conquering hero...invade away _

_Down girl...ok think of something else other than how damned good he looks, think oh...umm...grandpa naked...Ewwww...ugh was that really necessary?_ Staring up at the gorgeous demon lord _Oh h__**ell **__yes _she thought in a panic_...Grandpa it is!...ok grandpa naked, grandpa naked..._

...G_randpa naked, grandpa naked_ she began to frantically repeat to herself _grandpa naked, grandpa naked and Totosai naked..._she threw in for good measure.

Standing closer to her he bent his head down to her furiously blushing face. _Oh sweet Kami he's going to kiss me...he's going to kiss me...and I am NOT going to stop it _she closed her eyes, stood on her tiptoes and brought her face up to his. Feeling his clawed hand gently touch her check her breath tumbled through her lips in a shuddering rush.

But then nothing... She stood on tiptoes with her face raised and her lips pursed and nothing happened. Slowly she cracked opened her eyes and...at that moment would have given anything to have a sharp object on hand.

He stood there so close to her that if she moved just one centimeter and she would be in his arms. But there he stood, looking down at her with a smug look gracing his features and a piece of wet rotten leaf in his hand. A leaf, she had sinking feeling, he had just pulled off her face. _He should have killed me. I should have drowned, I should have never, ever thrown that slime ball...curse you slime ball of demon guts. Curse you. _

"I hate you, you know that don't you?", She whispered in sheer mortification.

"You are fibbing _again_ Miko."

"No, I'm not..."

"Miko" his voice suddenly took on a lethal edge, "cease your arguments and Run." The steel in the command startled her. .

"Wha..." she looked up into his face that just moments ago had been softened into what could only be described as smug humor. Now it was as hard and stoic as ever.

"Run...Now" he commanded in a dark tone that demanded she obey. And in one smooth motion he whipped around and drew his sword to face the enemy.

_A/N: It had started out just as a funny one shot, but now the plot bunnies have been frolicking and fornicating...so now sigh they have given birth to a plot...of sorts...not much of one, but nonetheless...So stay tuned._

_Also sorry for the sporadic update schedule, but usually I come back to this when my humor muse rears her head and begs for an outlet. But I cannot write this all the time, humor needs to come naturally otherwise it sounds too forced. So I am hoping you continue to bear with me. Thanks so much for reading and all your wonderful reviews!! _


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